Battle of the Moms

There is a lot of bashing going on lately. We concern ourselves with the “War on Women” and rightfully so. But some of the major players in this war are women themselves. We are our own worst enemy in a time when divide and conquer seems to be a pretty effective strategy.

In the past couple years, women’s rights have been attacked and threatened on a gradually increasing basis. And now it is simply blatant without any attempt of disguise. Women’s health, contraception, right to choose, equal pay … are we honestly headed back to the days of the Don Drapers and scotch-laden business meetings?

Yesterday I saw the following post on a friend’s Facebook page:

An open letter to Ann Romney: Dear Mrs. Romney,

Perhaps you can advise me. Since you have raised 5 boys, I'm sure you'll understand. One of the kids is sick again and I have no sick days left at work. In fact, my boss gave me a bad performance review and no raise this year because he said I obviously don't care that much about my job since I've missed so many days and if I miss anymore he may have to replace me. Whenever my child gets sick, my boss reminds me how easily I can be replaced.
We don't have health insurance at my job, so, if my boy gets worse, I'll probably be at the ER most of the night tonight. Not for the first time, but that's ok, he'll get care. It's tomorrow I'm worried about.

As you know, regular day care will not take a sick child, so if I want to work when my child is sick, I have to pay for sick child day care, which costs as much as I make, and, as I'm sure you know from personal experience, I still have to pay my regular day care, whether my child is there or out sick, so I actually lose money in order to work while he's sick. It's that or take a chance on losing my job entirely.

Should I take my child to the day care for sick kids and lose money and not have enough for my bills this month, so I can keep my job, or should I stay home with my sick child and hope that I don't get fired?

What did you do when this happened to you?

Sincerely,
Just Another Mom

And holy hell did it ensue all sorts of comments. Anything from blaming the woman for making bad choices to comparing the baby to an unnecessary sports car to hating on the rich was argued.

This was all sparked by comments made by Hilary Rosen, a Political Strategist. She said – clearly without forethought – that Ann Romney has never worked a day in her life. I can only assume what she meant was that Romney has never had to actually work outside her home in order to pay her bills. I think it was obvious that is what she was implying. Still, a poor choice of words in this hypersensitive environment.

The Republican/Conservative base returned the shot with a firestorm of pundit disgust. And in turn, Democrats/Liberals agreed with Rosen and clarified her statements with their own opinions about how much easier life is for rich mothers.

My first reaction was on the side of the latter. In my view, there is no way that a woman with those means - nannies, housekeepers, gardeners - can compare her workload to that of the average mother.

About nine years ago, I decided to stay home with my step-daughter. She needed daycare and I was not making enough money to justify high child care expenses. I continued to stay home after my daughter was born as well. I felt very judged by others. People thought I was lazy, had it made and seemed to lose respect for me. It was hurtful. It is not that I was able to stay home because we were rich. Then, and now, we live paycheck to paycheck. I simply had to budget and cut as needed. And yes, like most Americans, we do have debt.

Because of my experiences, I was offended by Romney’s comparison. But after thinking about it, I realized how we, as women and as mothers, are so quick to judge how others choose to live their lives. And that includes bashing the rich mom with nannies.

Women criticize each other about breastfeeding, working, childbirth choices, baby carriers. Anything involved with raising children – there is a mom out there who will disapprove of your methods. I am clearly not an exception. I have judged and I have been judged.

This war on women is getting out of hand. But how can we expect the men to stop using us as ammunition if we cannot stop shooting at each other?